Now! Lies!

Whew!  I have to say that I’m feeling much better today.  I watched Nina like a…I was going to say “rabid hawk”, but I really don’t think that I’ve heard of a rabid bird.  Anyway, she didn’t have another seizure, and the doctors say that everything looks fine, so I’m hoping against hope that it’s a one time thing.  I’m choosing to be the optimist here.  I also haven’t written anything since before Girls Camp, and I’m feeling it.  I’d love to work on something today if life allows.  That’s why I post on my blog so often: it’s my bare minimum of writing.  I need it.

Now!  Lies!

“Sometimes you can learn more about a person by what they don’t tell you. Sometimes you can learn a lot from the things they just make up. If you are tagged with this Meme, lie to me. Then tag 7 other folks (one for each deadly sin) and hope they can lie.”

Carrie Harris tagged me a couple of days ago. Why? I dunno, but I’m excited, because I like lying a lot. But I’m also painfully honest and never get to lie, so this just rocks.

Pride: What is your biggest contribution to the world?

Myself. Forget helping other people along; there’s just me. Anytime you want to come over and bask in my presence, there’s a $49.95 ticket price.

Envy: What do your coworkers wish they had which is yours?

They’re all wild about my voodoo doll from New Orleans. It was the homeliest thing that I could find, and now it has a happy home sitting on my desk and giving everybody the evil eye. Coworkers wish that they had the thing and his hateful expression in their possession. Jealously is an ugly thing, I tell you.

Gluttony: What did you eat last night?

I’m tired of the next-door Meat Cleaver Kids and their ceaseless antics. Just sayin’.

Lust: What really lights your fire?

I’m totally into the hairy, sweaty men who greet me with grunts and crude hip gyrations. I dig it. If it weren’t for their drunken “Hey baby” salutations, my heart would never pitter-patter.

Anger: What is the last thing that really pissed you off?

Didn’t I already tell you about The Meat Cleaver Kids?! You making me repeat myself?

Greed: Name something you keep from others.

My true intentions shall never be known. If I show up on your doorstep, we’ll spend the first 30 seconds smiling uncomfortably. Then the smiles will fade, and we’ll stare at each other without speaking for a good two minutes. Your mind will be racing. Does she have something to tell me? Did I borrow something and forget to give it back? Is she (oh my gosh) stalking me and I haven’t realized it until now??  I’ll also be holding a basket of freshly baked muffins, but I’ll make no move to hand them to you and you’ll feel rude if you reach out to take them.  So it’ll be just you, me, and the muffins.  For hours.

Sloth: What’s the laziest thing you’ve ever done?

How about making you read this blog post because I’m too lazy to read it myself?  Bwa ha.

UPDATE-  Oh yeah, I forgot to tag.  Talk about slothful!  I tag Gabriel Beyers, Jeremy D. Brooks, Shad Boots, Ray Veen, Barry Napier, and um, anybody that stumbled upon this site looking for “heels” or the all famous “asymmetrical bob”. Because it’s summer time, ladies, and we’re all about having cool-yet-stylish hair, woo!

I Was Going To Announce a Beat Down

Matt Betts and I are having a challenge to see who can qualify as an active member of the HWA first. Why? Because we wanna. And it’s always much more fun to do something like this with somebody…or against somebody. Our contest officially begins today, and I was going to have a huge “Are you ready to rumble AUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!!” thing to kick it off. I was going to swagger and tell you all about how Matt seems like a nice guy, and it’s easy to make nice guys cry, and I was going to win, etc etc etc. (Insert familiar Mercedes “I Can Do It!” trash talk here.) But this morning my baby girl had three seizures within ten minutes, and we got out of the ER a while ago. She’s never had them, and they have no idea what happened because all of her tests looked fine, so we’re scheduling an appointment with a neurologist. Rah Rah and Sis Boom Bah, but I’m going to have to start a day or two later than originally planned. Don’t think that I won’t win, though, cuz I will.

Oh yes.

I am also comforted by knowing that I’m two rounds ahead of somebody in a separate challenge. Let’s all hope that it stays that way.

Lies to come tomorrow, I swear.  For now, it’s family cuddle time.

My Left Eye Sees Ghosts

Yesterday was the 5k race through the Mojave desert, and man, was it difficult!  My body couldn’t take it, and yours truly is suffering the after effects of heat exhaustion.   I spent half of the day in bed, alternating between sleeping and watching “My Left Eye Sees Ghosts.”  Which is what people with heat exhaustion tend to do, you know.  The good news is that I finished the darn thing, even if I walked most of it.  My husband, on the other hand, won first place in his age group, and then he walked all of the way back to me with a cup of water and a chilled towel.  We finished hand in hand.  Awwwwww.  That’s why he’s my favorite man in the world.  Anyway, I went from hiking through this: (the blue tent is mine)

 

to running through this in less than 12 hours:

Rock on. 

Still weak as a newborn kitten.  Tomorrow I get to lie my head off on a meme.  I’m looking forward to it.

Survival 101!

I…

went sailing over a meadow on a zip line

spent two and a half hours standing in the rain while trying to tarp everything down

taught people how to make Wint-o-Mints spark in the dark

scared little girls with classic urban legends

just spent four days at camp with 14 angsty teenage girls

am sunburned and still smell like campfire.

Night, all!

I’m Obsessed.

I’m obsessed with a lot of things.  Challenges.  David Bowie.  High heels.  Junior Mints.  Keeping a high submissions count.  But now there’s something new thrown into the mix.

The Wii.

Oh, I know.  I rolled my eyes at the Wii for years because it looks too simplistic.  I’m into Playstation 2 RPGs!  I’ll flip a game over and do a little dance if it says “70+ hours of gameplay”.  There are few things better than a thick, juicy, mouthwatering game with intricate plots, memorable characters and a satisfying conclusion.  I’m a fan of Final Fantasy 7.  Cloud’s “secret” intrigued me.  Rock on, people!  These games are like interactive novels!

But Saturday was an exceptionally lousy day, and we broke down and bought a Wii to cheer ourselves up.  And Wii Fit, which is another joyful story.

I should be packing/doing chores/preparing for Monday’s HWA challenge (more on that later).  But no.  I’m involved in simulated hula hooping.  I’m running around an island path that isn’t really there.  But it’s fun, and the kids are ecstatic, so that’s even better.

Tomorrow I leave for a camping trip with a bunch of teenage girls.  I’m a girl’s camp leader, can you believe it?  I’m a role model and an example of what to be…or what not to be,  more likely.  I’ll be gone for four days.  I’m coming home a day early because Saturday is my 5k race out in the Mojave Desert.  Wish me luck on both accounts.

Now!  More hula hooping!

Go Tell It On The Mountain…to Strangers!

So I’m pretty excited bout that partial request.  I feel like dreams are being realized.  But who do you tell your good news to?

My husband is really supportive, even though he doesn’t like a lot of my work.  He doesn’t like darkness or despair in any form, and he doesn’t care for the “black” in my black humor.  He also doesn’t really get the writing world, since he isn’t part of it.  But he knows me better than anybody else, and he knows what makes me happy. He spent a long time looking up the agency and saying, “Oh wow, they represented these New York Times bestsellers!” and “Look at their stats…they only request partials from 2% of their submissions!”  (He’s a numbers man.)  He made a sincere effort.  This made me happy.

Then there are people who say, “I have no idea what a partial is, but this sounds like a good thing, hooray for you!”  This also makes me happy.

Then there are the people who say, “I’m so glad-now-did-you-hear-about-me?” and the ones that you just don’t tell because they genuinely aren’t happy for you.   Either they want it for themselves, or they’re that weird brand of Debbie Downer friend that we all have somewhere.  Bummer.

I realized how excited I was to announce it on my blog.  Strange, isn’t it?  That I told online strangers before I told some of my “real life” friends.  But I think it’s because we’re in the same boat here, floating around and seeing the same sights.  We share a TOC (and know what “TOC” means!) and we realize how difficult it really is to get a novel out.  I can’t tell you the number of times somebody has said, “Isn’t it out, yet?”  Well…no.  No, it isn’t.  Not only isn’t it out, but it isn’t even remotely close.

Them:  Why don’t you just post it on your blog, then?

Me: (Smiling with too many teeth)  How’s your mother?  Still dotty?

I don’t think people realize how hard this really is!  You have to 1) write the darn thing (with the kids climbing all over you, and day jobs, and days when it’s too hot/cold/rainy/sunny/something good is on TV).  Then you have to 2) edit, which I abhor.  I ABHOR!  I wouldn’t have finished RunStarGirl’s edits without Mason jollying/bullying me along, and that’s the truth.  Then there’s the 3) query letter, 4) synopsis, 5) abbreviated synopsis, 6) in-depth synopsis,7) sample chapters, and then the actual querying.  Online.  Snail mail.  And then you wait to be 9) rejected 10) rejected 11) rejected…Wait! 12) Encouraged!  Oh, now 13) rejected 14) rejected 15) rejected.  And then who knows what happens after that?  I haven’t got that far, yet.  Maybe some of you could fill me in.  I’d love to hear how it goes when you’re a bit farther than I am. 

A Nibble. And Living Forever.

So I received a reply to my query letter yesterday.  It was all, “Thank you for sending your query…” and I was ready to hit the delete key with practiced finesse when something about it caught my eye.  I read the thing a little more carefully.  A partial?  She wanted to see a partial? Really?!

And I was happy.  I’m not expecting cherry blossoms and fairy dust and a magical offer to come sailing my way, but I’m excited that my novel idea sparked somebody’s interest!  I’m happy to see that the work pays off.  It was pretty sweet.  I was also realizing how we grow throughout this process.  I remember my very first short story acceptance.  There was screaming.  And wild, inappropriate dancing.  I called everybody that would even remotely care, and probably a few people who didn’t.  At that time I couldn’t imagine ever having somebody express interest in a novel of mine.  I had written one, which was easy and fun, but the rest of it, no way.  I had no idea how much work comes after the fact, and how you’re basically a new novel salesmen showing up on people’s doorsteps with a query letter and a rumpled hat.  So I’m excited.  But realistic.  But still excited. 

I also received word that “Morning Glory” is a honoree in the University of Maine’s Binnacle Ultra Shorts contest.  It’ll come out in a print and online edition, and I’m pretty pleased about that, as well.  Somebody might possibly record it in audio, too, and that would just rock.  Seriously.  I wrote an essay once about how writing is actually parasitic, and once somebody reads your work, it’s in their mind forever and ever, lurking in their subconscious.  Even more so when it’s read or listened to aloud, I say.  Every time you read something of mine, I’m setting up residence in your brain.  Bwa ha ha.  My professor was a bit disconcerted with the essay but couldn’t argue with my logic.  Then he sent me home with a book of his poetry to read, most likely hoping that this was the way he’d live on forever.

Outshine

I was so yippee-ki-yay about my Tweet the Meat going up yesterday that I failed to notice that my optimistic twitter-story went up on @outshine as well.  Check it out if you have a chance.  I rather like it.

Ten (Belated) Things About Me.

So a few months ago Jameson T. Caine tagged me in a meme where you shared ten true things about yourself.  I love to read memes like that, but I put this on the back burner and forgot about it.  Today’s the day!

Ten True Things About Me

1.   I started seriously submitting stories in March of 2008.  I still have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.  Navigating the writing world feels a lot like tip-toeing through land mines.

2.  I grew up in the full-on desert.  We’re talking rattlesnakes, sage brush, arrowheads…the real deal.  We were taught Snakebite 101 in school.

3.  My bedroom is painted navy.  Yeah, I didn’t do it.  But it’s grown on me.  I took my “About Me” picture in there.

4.  My son was born with Williams Syndrome.  He has everything on the Williams Syndrome list except for hernias (thankfully) including  fabulous starburst eyes!

5.  I’ve never had so much as a sip of alcohol, ever.  And I write?  Huh?  How can that be? 

6.  I always flip my glass upside down in the sink after I drink from it.  This detail shows up in RunStarGirl.

7.  I lived in Helsinki for a while.  I really dug it.  I’d move back there in a heartbeat.

8.  Speaking of heartbeats, I have bradycardia. 

9.  I’m obsessed with slippers!  Soft, warm, cushy slippers.  I have several pairs.  I think it’s because I wear heels so often, and I like to come home and baby my feet.

10.  I have a motorcycle license, but no bike.  I kind of hang out with my helmet under my arm, hoping that somebody will let me ride theirs.  When I get my first bike, I’m looking for a Kawasaki Vulcan 500 or a Honda Shadow Spirit 750.  Still small and manageable, but able to cruise with the big boys if necessary.  And considering that I learned to ride on a 250, they’ll still be big enough to be exciting. 

 

Pieces out: 36

Goal: 40

Tweet the Meat: Dad theme

My tweet went up tonight. You can check it out here.  I love reading these!

 

UPDATE: Cate’s absolutely right, and you can’t open the second one up from there.  Here’s another link.  http://twitter.com/tweetthemeat