I can’t tell you how many times it’s happened. You send an email to somebody with “Please respond ASAP” and you never hear back from them. You’re in a quandary. You muddle through and make the decision on your own, not certain if it’s the right one. They promised to help you and they let you down. And you feel like letting them know, via a vehement email.
Don’t. If Mama has told you once, she’s told you a thousand times: never write letters in anger. Don’t leave rude messages. Don’t write an angry letter and put it under somebody’s windshield wiper. It might make you feel temporarily vindicated, but it will make you spiteful and small.
Let me tell you a story.
A few years ago, one of my very dearest friends lost her unborn child. It was exceptionally hard, and we all grieved. One day she drove over to my apartment. I lived above two stores. The parking for our space was full, so she parked in the store parking. I invited her in. We hugged. We cried. It was the first time that I had seen her since her loss. It was devastating, but also very special. It was a beautiful and tragic time.
A few days later she calls to tell me that one of the employees at the store had written her an extremely nasty, obscenity-laden letter and placed it under her windshield wiper. She had parked in the wrong spot and he was going to let her know about it. It was a horrible, spiteful thing, and it came on a day when she was already feeling as low as she thought possible. She cried the whole way home. How do you think the author of that letter would feel if he knew of the harm that he caused this tender heart?
I’ll tell you. He felt terrible. I waited until I was calm enough to talk to the employee, a stranger, without kicking him in the face or screaming. I told him exactly what he had done. I asked him why he was so hateful. I used my nicest words and voice possible when I informed him that I didn’t believe he was truly a monster, but his cruel actions on that day certainly made him out to be one. His face paled to a ghastly gray color. He looked like he would be ill. I took his hand and asked him to please be kinder. I try very hard to take that advice myself.
I’ve been angry before. Angry at friends, frustrated at editors that keep my piece forever without any word, etc. I can tell you that I have never, ever regretted asking about the situation in a kind, professional tone. Often I’m surprised at the answer. There was just a death in the family, or they’ve been out of town without Internet access. Once the person didn’t respond to me because there had been a house fire and they had lost everything. How would I have felt if I’d sent them a vicious letter demanding to know where my story was? Terrible, that’s how. Always be kind and hold your tongue. If you lose your top, it doesn’t benefit anybody, especially you.
Mercedes, you are so wise and so kind. I love reading your words they remind me of my own advice, “Step away from the keyboard!,” and “Don’t dial that phone right now!” I have a hot temper that I really have to work to contain. It hurts the other person and it hurts me too for allowing myself to lose control if I flare up at someone so I just try to “take the high road.” This is something my life partner has tried to help me learn. I have not always been as gracious as I tend to be now, it has been a long hard road to learn to wait and not do something in anger.
Love to you dear one,
And if you’d gone into the store like a fiery hellion and kicked the employee in the tenders, the anger would’ve just been perpetuated. As is, the approach you used, made him feel about as small as it’s possible for a person to feel. He’ll remember that.
Great advice, good lady, as usual.
Well said, Mercedes. If we can all address others with respect (and with the benefit of doubt) life for everyone would be so much nicer. Lead by example. Thanks for the reminder.
I just love you. Whenever I hear that little voice in my head saying “Be kind,” it always sounds like you, my friend.
These are wise words, Mercedes.
My mother is one the sweetest, most sensitive persons I know. As a child, when we’d encounter a rude stranger, my mother always, ALWAYS responded in love. That was such a lesson. She’d tell me afterward, “It just isn’t that hard to be nice.”
I’ve tried to live by the same rules. I hope that no one was cruel to you, dear.
Love you madly
What wonderful, sound advice. It’s something I live by and raise my children by. Kindness is contagious.
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Reblogged this on earthcakes & cupquakes and commented:
Having a blog and writing my opinions leaves me open to other’s opinions of what I write and how I live my life. It also allows others to interpret what I write in their own way and say/do things based on that view. Today I am not pleased with one such incident, but rather than write and be upset….I leave you all with this blog from another that speaks it perfectly. Don’t write angry 🙂 Be kind!
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