2017’s More Realistic Holiday Newsletter

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After reading a few glowing family newsletters, I am more inspired than ever to continue the tradition of the Yardley’s More Realistic Holiday Newsletter. If you ever wanted to see how we really live, this is the way to do it. And here we go!

2017 started with a bang and ended with a whimper. LUKE travels constantly for work, leaving disasters in his wake whenever he is gone. He comes home to scorpion stings, town massacres, and a nearly-blind wife. He’s leaving again in January, so please stock up on emergency essentials and hunker down until he returns and the cosmos properly realigns.

MERCEDES acquired an awesome new agent, a life-threatening scorpion sting, and acute iritis in one eye, leaving her with a blown pupil, vision difficulties, and worsening her anxiety problem. One of these things was heartily celebrated with cake.

NIKOLAI is now in high school. The best part, besides his aid Miss Marci, is that he can wear anything he wants instead of a school uniform. Because of his favorite shirt, he is now called Commander Chimposwki.

NINA cut her hair short and is constantly mistaken for a boy. In fact, only today her substitute teacher called her “he” several times until Nina said, “My name literally means girl.” The sarcasm is strong with this one. I’m so proud to call her my son.

LILIA is afraid of: the dark, the bathroom, being alone, scary movies, not-so-scary movies, sleeping alone, sleeping by someone, hotel rooms, being late for school, being too early for school, dogs, and songs with the lyrics changed.

MARSH CAT is a magical thing who loves to rub his fluffy, fluffy self against us so we break out into hives and rashes. He’s the most stable member of the family, and knows it.

RUSH THE TURTLE hates everyone and everything, except Pierce Brosnan. He’s the only one she’s come out of her log for. She flips everyone else off with all four feet.

LAS VEGAS was shot up by an insane man with unfathomable weapons. We were not injured, but were in that area not long before with our ten-year-old daughter. I saw the best and worst of humanity that night. We are #VegasStrong.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! May you be well! And may you write your own, realistic holiday newsletters so we can share them. ❤

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Get An Agent: My Interview with Writers House Agent Alec Shane

I had the pleasure of meeting Alec Shane at the annual World Horror Convention in New Orleans this year. Alec is a friendly, savvy guy who is aggressively building up his client list. He’s also one of the few agents who actively represents horror. Talking to him was a pleasure, and I get the impression he isn’t a guy who lets the grass grow under his feet.

Alec was gracious enough to stop by for an interview. Read up on what he has to say, and then send this man a query!

Mercedes M. Yardley: Very few agents seem to represent horror. Why is this? And why do you choose to do so?

Alec Shane: One of the best parts of being an agent is that you get to represent the kind of books that you love. I grew up loving horror of all types—Stephen King is more or less the reason I’m sitting here today answering these questions—and so it only makes sense that I would be drawn toward the genre now. I learned very quickly that, as an agent, you have to really believe in the book you are representing, and if you are as passionate about the project as the author is, then you will be much more willing to throw yourself into getting it out into the world.

The role of the agent is changing every day, a lot of what we do is editorial, and it’s a very tricky market at the moment, and so it’s especially important to remain very selective in what I do and don’t take on. Horror happens to be a genre that I love, so here I am. I also love a lot of other kinds of writing—mystery/thriller, historical fiction, middle-grade, certain types of nonfiction, and sports to name a few—but horror will always hold a special place in my heart.

MMY: So you personally enjoy horror and dark fiction. Any favorite books or movies?

AS: To be honest, I’m still not entirely sure what dark fiction is—I feel like it’s a term that people made up when they found out that the word “horror” was becoming taboo in the publishing business. More important to me is: “Did I love this book?” If the answer is yes, I’ll try and figure out what exactly it is later.

And asking an agent what his favorite books are is kind of like asking a parent to pick a favorite kid, but I guess if I was on death row and was only allowed to read three more books before they snuffed me out, I would have Danny the Champion of the WorldThe Stand, and The Grapes of Wrath in my jail cell.

In terms of movies, Rocky probably stands alone on top of my list. But Dumb and Dumber,BraveheartCaddyshack, and The Shawshank Redemption aren’t far behind. I also can’t get enough of awful, awful horror movies. I used to devour everything Full Moon Pictures produced, and the bulk of my DVR is full of whatever the Chiller Network airs between the hours of 1 and 6 AM. I’ll also take Jason Voorhies over Freddy Krueger any day of the week and will never, ever understand everyone’s fascination with zombies. People are significantly more prepared for the zombie apocalypse than any other kind, which I find pretty funny.

MMY: There’s a rumor going around that horror is dead, that it’s so stigmatized it’ll never sell. There’s also another argument that horror has become almost mainstream. As an agent, what are your thoughts?

AS: I’m of the strong opinion that something is only dead if it’s allowed to die. If the general consensus is that horror is dead and so authors stop writing horror, it kind of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But as long as there are people out there who are willing to write it, then horror is never dead. I will say that the onus of getting horror back into the spotlight is 100% on the author—if you write something great, then there will be a demand for it.

Plus, ultimately what becomes big and what doesn’t is kind of a crapshoot—if you had told me ten years ago that our media landscape would easily support six different shows about rich housewives drinking wine and eating shrimp, I would have called you crazy—but here we are. Don’t worry about what anyone says, thinks, or predicts; just get something out there that you believe in, you have worked very hard to produce, and get people who are as enthusiastic about your work as you are attached to it.

I also think that this speaks to one of the biggest mistakes an author can make: letting the market/what is hot dictate what he/she writes. If you go to a bookstore, see a bunch of books about teenagers trying to navigate post-apocalyptic worlds, and then decide to write a book about teenagers set in a post-apocalyptic world, you aren’t doing yourself any favors. Write what you want to write and what you are excited to write. And if the only reason you write is to make money, consider a career change.

MMY: On the “Are You Ready for an Agent” panel at World Horror Con in New Orleans, an interesting question was brought up about labels. What if somebody writes something that is “mostly” horror. Would you prefer them to darken it up to fit the niche? Would you advise them to write the story and leave the rest to you?

AS: The only advice I could really give in regards to this question is don’t let a label, genre, or idea define what you write. The writing process is a very, very weird thing, and what ends up happening to you/your novel/your characters throughout that process is often a total shock to you as an author. Have you ever gone back, read a chapter of what you had just written, and said to yourself, “Where the hell did THAT just come from?” It’s moments like that that make writing so amazing, and there’s no reason not to just run with it. If you sit down with every intention of writing an adult mystery novel, but somewhere throughout the course of the process you see the project morphing into a Young Adult Romance for whatever reason, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that—let it happen!

It’s always obvious to me when an author has spent the bulk of his/her manuscript trying desperately to wrangle the plot, characters, and overall arc of the story back to where she/he originally intended it to go, and I think that’s a mistake. If the book wants to zig, don’t force yourself to zag. So more than labeling your book or actively trying to apply it to a specific genre, just write the damn thing; more often than not, someone else is going to label it anyway, so no point in stressing over it.

MMY: What is important to you in a client? Ideally, what would be the things that you look for?

AS: More than anything, you have to be someone I want to work with. Obviously, having chops as a writer is important, but if I get the sense that you are going to be impossible to work with, only care about money, don’t want to respond to criticism, or are exceptionally needy, then I’m going to be hesitant to take you on. First and foremost, the agent/client relationship is a business partnership, but it also goes a bit deeper than that. Your agent will be delving deeply into something very important to you, ripping it apart, telling you what needs to be fixed, and offering insights that you may not want to hear. Because of that, it’s very important that you pick the right agent for you—someone you want in your life for the foreseeable future. Finding the right agent really is like applying to college; just because you got into MIT, Harvard, and Yale doesn’t mean you have to go there. You want to go with what feels right.

MMY: Are you interested in representing a client book by book, or for their entire body of work?

AS: I can’t really imagine only taking on a client with one book in mind. Part of my job as your agent is to manage, build, and foster your career as an author, and that is going to take time. I guess if there was a celebrity out there looking to write his or her memoirs (Richard Dreyfuss, if you’re reading this…please get in touch with me), that might possibly be a one-off kind of thing. But mostly I’m looking for writers who are in it for the long haul.

MMY: Any last words or advice for somebody who is interested in querying you?

AS: The basics of my submission guidelines and what I’m looking for can be found on my Publisher’s Marketplace page, which should give authors a good sense of what I am and am not looking for. I know that the querying process can be intimidating, but remember: agents WANT to like your stuff. Pulling a fantastic new author out of a massive pile of submissions is one of the greatest parts of my job, and so don’t be intimidated.

And some final words: I feel like I have been repeating myself a lot here, but it really can’t be overstated—write what you want to write and write what you are excited to write. If you have a great book, then everything else is going to fall into place—I promise. Worrying about anything besides producing a manuscript that you are unbelievably proud of is my job.

 

Also, don’t forget to enter and win a free copy of TALES OF JACK THE RIPPER! You can do that here.

AAAAAEEEEEEEIIIiiiiiiii! (And A Giveaway)

My friends! I have wonderful writerly news, and I am going to scream it from the top of the bloggy mountaintops!

I HAVE AN AGENT!

Yes, it’s true! I have just signed with the very cool Jason Yarn from Paradigm.  The world is full of roses and butterflies and stardust.  I feel that this will be a fantastic partnership, huzzah huzzah!  So I’m excited.  And when I’m excited, I want to celebrate.  And how do I want to celebrate? By having my first giveaway ever!

To enter, just leave a comment with an email so I can contact you. For extra points (but not extra entries) say something witty with the words “exquisite” “He-Man” or “narwhal” included.  Because I dearly love exquisite battles between He-Man and narwhals, or whatever wonderful thing you come up with.  Or just make me laugh.  There is nothing better than laughing.

“Ah, but my dearest Mercedes!” you are saying.  (And I know that is what you are saying.)  “What I really want to know is: what will I win? One cannot enter a giveaway without something being, well, given away!  Whatever shall it be?”

To which I answer, “That is for me to know and you to find out.” 

“Srsly?” you question.

Srsly.

“For realz?”

For realz.

“Wn dd I strt spekng n txt spk?”

I dunno, but stop it.

One week from today I will use Random.org to choose a comment at, you guessed it, random.  The winner will receive ONE book from my personal stash (and believe me, it’s an eclectic collection), THE BEST COOKIE RECIPE IN THE WORLD, and something crafty that I have made.  What will that be, you wonder?  Well, me too.  I won’t know until I make it especially for you. 

So yay!  Hooray!  I’m wonderfully excited about working with Jason and won’t you celebrate with me?  😀