Happy Scorpion Anniversary!

It’s a year to the day since I was stung by a scorpion while doing dishes. A lot has happened since then. Today Miss Murder seeks her revenge. To celebrate, I made a Youtube video. Happy Scorpionversary!





Pimp A Friend Friday: Barones Lovey de Luxe

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I was invited to a fun, super sekrit project that will be coming in 2020, and I needed some pictures for it. Pictures aren’t my favorite things. I have that “Hello, I had triplets” tummy, a stiff smile, and now I have this strange wonky eye. (Thanks, scorpion!) I’m awkward and uncomfortable in front of a camera. I’ve never had a photographer take a headshot I like. It’s usually me in the backyard with a phone so I can take 200 shots and narrow it down to two.

Enter Baroness Lovey de Luxe, a fantastic photographer from Seattle who regularly travels to Vegas. I came across her on Groupon, and I was attracted to her for two reasons. 1) The photos on her site are gorgeous. 2) She’s a boudoir photographer, so I figured she’d be adept at dealing with somebody awkward and nervous. I was absolutely right.

She did my hair and makeup, which was just exquisite. She was fun, professional, and warm enough that I soon felt at ease, which is saying something. She had several different ideas for several different photos. I said things like, “I don’t know what to do with my meat hands,” and she showed me how to place them. She told me how to pose and made me feel like a star. And when I got the pictures back, I nearly cried.

Look at me. LOOK AT ME.

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She brought out confidence. I felt beautiful. I look at these pictures and smile. That eye doesn’t look like a life-changing horror at all.

She’s planning to be in Las Vegas on August 8-10. She’ll also be coming out for a few days in September. I’m trying to talk her into coming to horror conventions and taking some shots there because she is just incredibly talented and warm. If you’re looking for pictures, I can’t recommend her highly enough. You can check her out here.


Miss Murder’s Black Philip Eye.

So this strange eye thing happened a few months ago. And it has changed everything. 

You might remember that I was nearly killed in July by a scorpion sting. Since then, I’ve had a few difficulties getting back on my feet. Nerve damage, twinges, mental fog, etc. It laid me pretty flat and it’s taken me quite a bit of time to build myself back up. I’m still not there, and I have an extremely weak immune system. Hooray!

A few months ago I went to the doctor for a red, swollen eye. It was misdiagnosed as allergies. Five days later, I returned and we realized I had iritis, which is inflammation of the pupil. Then the retina became inflamed, as well. My pupil became abnormally shaped, I had a loss of vision, and the pain was a nine on the scale. Youch!

So they gave me some insanely powerful eye drops to use twice a day, and a patch.



And then a patch.


My eyes don’t match. My right pupil is blown and there’s some vision loss. I’m having difficulty looking at phones and computer screens. The change in vision and sensitivity to light gives me blinding headaches. I can’t read subtitles on the TV, or numbers on houses. There’s a bit of a smear across my vision, but it’s improving month by month. I’m still wearing sunglasses in restaurants and in the dark because my future’s so bright I gotta wear shades.

It looks a little strange, but isn’t super noticeable unless you’re close enough to, I don’t know, talk to me or give me change or look me in the eye like humans tend to do.


Thank anyone will notice that my eyes don’t match?

Okay, so it’s pretty noticeable. My eyes look like Black Phillip. If I ask you if you wouldst  like to live deliciously, then flee. Just run.

It’s been difficult. It’s been frustrating. It makes me feel vulnerable. Not being able to see is kind of a big deal. Last week I sewed straight through my finger because I couldn’t see what I was doing. It was pretty metal.


The inflammation moved to the other eye as well, so we’re running a few blood tests to look for underlying causes. It’s most likely the scorpion sting, however. Harrumph!


Hooray! I’m a heartless monster! 

It’s uncomfortable to look different. People stare and I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes it does. Still, I have a pretty good sense of humor about it most of the time, and I appreciate the random pirate hats that have arrived in the mail. They make me laugh. You guys are dorks and I love you.

So that’s the eye thing! It’s weird and random and seems to fit in with everything else in life. And like everything else, it’s an experience. Love you guys! If you have any questions, just shoot.


So, That “I Nearly Died By Scorpion” Thing.


Some of you know that Las Vegas is under seige from the venomous bark scorpion. We’ve had many at my house, which I documented in The Obligatory Scorpion Montage. Well, earlier this month I was stung on the foot while washing dishes, and within an hour I was temporarily paralyzed in a hospital wheelchair.

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The doctor assured me this wasn’t a typical reaction to a scorpion sting, which really made me feel better as my body went into strange convulsions. It was crazy to have my mind functioning on one level and my body on another. I watched my body move, run, tremor, and shake of its own accord. I heard myself moan and gasp. Meanwhile, my mind was like, “What is this? My body is running away without me!” That’s its own brand of horror.

But after a $10-30 grand antivenin, I survived.

I actually have terrible survivor’s guilt, since it’s summer and I’m depressed and my husband is out of town. I felt terrible about spending the money. The life-saving antivenin money. It wasn’t until I priced out funerals and daycare that I realized living really was more economical. Hooray! For those who don’t suffer from depression, this will make no sense to you. For those that do? You get what I’m talking about.

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My husband was out of town on a business trip. After he called me (he says he did, anyway) he hopped a plane and flew home. Apparently I texted him while on morphine. And, no, as far as I know, we unfortunately didn’t call Europe. But he still is my boiiiiu.


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The venom caused my blood to coagulate to the point that the doctors thought I had a bleeding disorder. They apologized for making me wear these compression devices, but I was completely numb so I didn’t even feel them. Paralyzation for the win!

Miraculously, I was home in a bit more than 24 hours. It was closer than I’d care to admit, so I simply won’t admit it. I expected myself to bounce back right away, but it’s taking longer than I thought. My body is exhausted. I’m angry at being at risk in my own home. I can’t sleep because I think things are crawling all over my body.

But as experiences go, it was one I had never expected. Now I know what a scorpion sting feels like, and what happens if you have a senstitivity to it. I find that intriguing as an author, and have to use it in a book somewhere. I’m going to do a short video in the coming weeks describing it for anybody who has ever wondered what it was like. I have. If you have any questions that you’d like me to answer, I’ll gladly do so. Just leave them here in the comments. Have a great, scorpion-free day!