I’m telling you what this post is about in clear, bold letters so you can choose whether or not you wish to read it. There’s some difficult news, but as always, there’s a thread of hope in there as well.
Most of you know that I was surprised and delighted to find out that we were expecting a baby. YAY! Then we discovered we were having triplets. YAY, but WHA-?! We soon found out that one of the triplets had passed away, and we’re now expecting twins. Although deeply saddened by the loss of our child, we’re still excited for the twins, and hoped both would be healthy.
Some things are not meant to be. At my last appointment, we discovered that while one of the babies seems healthy and shockingly active (hello, Olympics!) the other one spends her time curled into a tiny ball. (We don’t actually know gender yet, but in my heart, this dear one is a baby girl.) It turns out that this baby has quite a bit of fluid on the brain, as well as too much fluid in the spine. The doctor, an extremely kind man, told me that this baby most likely won’t survive until birth, and if she does, she’ll probably only live a few hours.
I didn’t know how to take this, quite honestly. After losing the first child, it didn’t even cross my mind that we could lose a second. While I was still processing the new information, he informed me that the death of the second baby could cause my body to go into preterm labor, and we could perhaps lose the third.
Carrying triplets and then watching them disappear one by one seems too cruel to be real. It’s been an extremely difficult couple of weeks, but I’ve determined that there are still two babies at this point, and the game is still going on. While there is sorrow, there is still hope, and I choose to cling to it. After all, it’s what has gotten me this far in life, and I have never regretted preparing for the worst while hoping for the best.
At a time when my heart is breaking?
We were calling the triplets Winkin, Blinken, and Nod, but discovered today that Nod passed away about two weeks ago. It’s funny how you can become so attached to somebody that you haven’t met, but that’s the way of it. While I mourn for the child that we almost had, we’re still excited that we have what seem to be two very energetic twins, and that’s a blessing.
I do believe that things happen for a reason, even if it’s only to teach us strength and empathy. I wish that this wasn’t a lesson that I needed to learn, but that’s where the Stones come in. You can’t always get what you want. I just need to focus on the rest of those uplifting lyrics, and remember how much I believe in hope.
Thank you for your kindness concerning all of this. I’ve been a bit overwhelmed for a few weeks and haven’t been able to respond as personally as I would like to, but please know that you’re very appreciated. 🙂
This one breaks my heart. Apparently they picked up two heartbeats on the ultrasound, but never heard the third. Whether or not the baby has passed on or was merely hiding…well, I don’t know. I won’t know until the 19th. It’s killing me a little.
It’s funny how we’ve known about the three babes for about 24 hours, but I’m already vehemently opposed to losing one. They’re mine. I want them. They’re family.
But whatever happens happens. Thanks for you love and support. I know this seems like a terribly personal thing to write on a blog, but you’re family as well, and I want you to know. Triplets aren’t something that you can easily hide, and I’d rather let everybody know what’s happening as it unfolds so I’m not making a zillion phone calls to fill everybody in. I think I’d also die inside if somebody asked me three months down the line how the triplets are, and I have to explain that I’m only carrying twins. But perhaps it won’t come to that. I can only hope and pray.
The next surprise had better be a darn good one, that’s all that I can say.
I wrote a post a few weeks ago celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary. I’d been feeling a bit unwell lately, so imagine my darling husband’s surprise when, after our anniversary dinner, I shouted “SURPRISE!” and announced that I’d just discovered that we were having our third child. How wonderful! How unexpected! A surprise indeed.
Then we were robbed ten days later. SURPRISE!
Today’s surprise took place at the first ultrasound. My dear friends, I am not exaggerating in the least when I tell you that my breath was taken away. We saw the baby for the first time. Then, SURPRISE! There’s another baby! Twins! We’re having twins! I couldn’t believe it. Can you believe it?
But since we never do anything halfway, SURPRISE, SURPRISE, there are actually three babies. That’s right. Triplets. Suddenly we will go from two kids to five. I can’t wrap my head around it, yet. Although excited, I don’t think that my heart can take any more surprises. At least for another day or two. 😛
So let me reel for a while. And then we party! Celebrate with me! 😀